Trials, BLECH

When I started this little journaling challenge I thought it would be no big deal to make this available to others.  I have found over the last couple of weeks that many days my thoughts and reactions to the scripture are very personal and very much NOT for public consumption.  That's ok, that means that the Spirit is working on my heart but it also means I don't always have something to share.  I hope that's ok.

Today's scripture is no one's favorite.  No one wants to experience trials.

It's also a hard one for me because I struggle with having an appropriately soft heart.  I can easily compartmentalize my feelings and tell myself - well it's just fiery trials, or it's not my fault or bad things happen or whatever and then move on.

See we can use scriptures like this to make us harder - to discount trials and struggles - rather than letting them make us softer and more pliable as they did Jesus.  The difference is willingly entering the suffering.

It's also key to note that just because you have trials doesn't mean they are not still your own fault and the result of your own choices.

There is a difference between troubles that come from stealing, murdering and meddling in the affairs of others - how interesting that meddling is in the same list a stealing and murdering.

Today I rejoice because the last few months have had quite a few trials - bronchitis, challenges with the new job, interpersonal challenges, etc.  So today I am choosing to rejoice that they suck and I suffer but they have all caused me to walk closer to my Creator.

Great God, my redeemer.  Redeem my pitiful self and all the struggles I unintentionally create.  Redeem them that they work to my good.  Redeem them that they help me walk closer to you and understand your willing suffering just a bit more.  Help trials and struggles make me softer and more broken as they did you.  Amen


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1 Peter 4:12-16

¹² Dear ones, don’t be surprised when you experience your trial by fire. It is not something strange and unusual, ¹³ but it is something you should rejoice in. In it you share the Anointed’s sufferings, and you will be that much more joyful when His glory is revealed. ¹⁴ If anyone condemns you for following Jesus as the Anointed One, consider yourself blessed. The glorious Spirit of God rests on you. ¹⁵ But none of you should ever merit suffering like those who have murdered or stolen, meddled in the affairs of others or done evil things. ¹⁶ But if you should suffer for being a Christian, don’t think of it as a disgrace, as it would be if you had done wrong. Praise God that you’re permitted to carry this name.

Go Get 'Em God

Psalm 109 - this is one of those Psalms that doesn't get talked about in polite company.  Or it gets explained away.

See the writer essentially says "See those guys?  Those guys are mean to me.  I'm a good person but they are mean.  Treat them bad God.  Let bad things happen to them but let good things happen to me." (text copied below).  Not really the prayer that Western Christianity teaches you to pray.

But how many of us feel this?  How many of us really do feel persecuted, put upon, actively hated and mistreated.  And not in the "Oh poor American Christians we have it so hard" but in the real day to day struggles: living in disadvantaged areas, being bullied for real at school, abusive homes, harassing bosses or co-workers?

A lot of us have real true enemies.

I know the name of mine.  If Joe and I had decided to have kids, the names Megan, Mindy, Debbie & Jill were off the menu.  In my childhood I may have prayed a prayer very similar to this psalm.  Hurt em God.  They hurt me so you go get em!!!  Before I knew better.  Before I knew how Christians were supposed to pray.  Ya know - nice and loving and sanitized.

Yes, this Psalm is a reminder that our prayers are meant to be raw and real and feelings of hurt and hate are ok to pour out to God.  Trust God to act in the right, holy ways and share your heart.

Sure that's a great moral to take away.

But here's the painful part.  The reality is that there are a few people for whom my face is the face of their enemy.  There's someone right now who struggles to forgive me and numbers ME among their enemies.  No matter how good you are, unintentionally or not there are people you have wounded deeply.  People I have wounded deeply.

In fact, someone has probably prayed that very prayer about me.  And those people that I've hurt and wounded?  It usually happens because I'm hurt and wounded and can't admit it to myself or just want to see others hurt like I do.  If I could have prayed honestly like that, let all the hurt and bile pour out before God, perhaps I could avoid hurting others.

Dear Lord, today let me be honest before you in my prayers.  Help me truly and honestly share pain, anger and bitterness with you.  Help me trust you with the outcome so that I can be honest with what my heart wants and needs.  As I pour out anger and hurt to you, fill me with your love and grace.

Lord, have mercy

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109 1-5 My God, don’t turn a deaf ear to my hallelujah prayer.
    Liars are pouring out invective on me;
Their lying tongues are like a pack of dogs out to get me,
    barking their hate, nipping my heels—and for no reason!
I loved them and now they slander me—yes, me!—
    and treat my prayer like a crime;
They return my good with evil,
    they return my love with hate.

6-20 Send the Evil One to accuse my accusing judge;
    dispatch Satan to prosecute him.
When he’s judged, let the verdict be “Guilty,”
    and when he prays, let his prayer turn to sin.
Give him a short life,
    and give his job to somebody else.
Make orphans of his children,
    dress his wife in widow’s weeds;
Turn his children into begging street urchins,
    evicted from their homes—homeless.
May the bank foreclose and wipe him out,
    and strangers, like vultures, pick him clean.
May there be no one around to help him out,
    no one willing to give his orphans a break.
Chop down his family tree
    so that nobody even remembers his name.
But erect a memorial to the sin of his father,
    and make sure his mother’s name is there, too—
Their sins recorded forever before God,
    but they themselves sunk in oblivion.
That’s all he deserves since he was never once kind,
    hounded the afflicted and heartbroken to their graves.
Since he loved cursing so much,
    let curses rain down;
Since he had no taste for blessing,
    let blessings flee far from him.
He dressed up in curses like a fine suit of clothes;
    he drank curses, took his baths in curses.
So give him a gift—a costume of curses;
    he can wear curses every day of the week!
That’s what they’ll get, those out to get me—
    an avalanche of just deserts from God.

21-25 Oh, God, my Lord, step in;
    work a miracle for me—you can do it!
Get me out of here—your love is so great!—
    I’m at the end of my rope, my life in ruins.
I’m fading away to nothing, passing away,
    my youth gone, old before my time.
I’m weak from hunger and can hardly stand up,
    my body a rack of skin and bones.
I’m a joke in poor taste to those who see me;
    they take one look and shake their heads.

26-29 Help me, oh help me, God, my God,
    save me through your wonderful love;
Then they’ll know that your hand is in this,
    that you, God, have been at work.
Let them curse all they want;
    you do the blessing.
Let them be jeered by the crowd when they stand up,
    followed by cheers for me, your servant.
Dress my accusers in clothes dirty with shame,
    discarded and humiliating old ragbag clothes.

30-31 My mouth’s full of great praise for God,
    I’m singing his hallelujahs surrounded by crowds,
For he’s always at hand to take the side of the needy,
    to rescue a life from the unjust judge.

Cut the Guy Some Slack

Ok first - a disclaimer:  Where have I been - no blog in a week.  Well some of it is just life.  Yes I missed blogging.  I still kept my appointment with the Lord but I had ZERO time to journal.  That's why this is a challenge; because it's hard.  There were a few days the things I was thinking about were not for public consumption also.  What ev!  I'm back baby - at least for today.

Today's reading is Matthew 27.  Judas regrets what he has done.  You know the drill, see below for the scripture. (Taken from the Message)

Judas is a guy I don't get.  Oddly I think he is most like modern Christians.  He took care of the money, challenged the team when it seemed like there were better ways to serve the community and I think he truly thought he was doing the right thing.

It's possible he wanted to force Jesus to reveal himself as the Messiah.  It's probable even that he thought he even had PERMISSION to go and do what he planned.  (read the last supper)

Yeah but things don't go like we plan.

When Judas "realized that Jesus was doomed" he tried to take it back.

Sarah tried to force a miracle from God and when she finally understood that Hagar would have a child and there would be more than her own family, she tried to take it back.

Moses tried to force revolution by beating a slave owner.  That didn't work out so well for him either.

How easy it is to try and force God.  To work it up ourselves through our plans and activities and think we are doing the right thing.  Then when it gets hard or complicated or REALLY MESSY we quit.

Suicide isn't something done lightly - it takes real mental illness to overcome our instinct for self preservation.  Judas must have loved Jesus as much as everyone else and it broke him to realize what he'd done.  How his scheming would wreak havoc over those he loved.

I've messed up a few times.  Ok more than a few.  Unintentionally, just trying to do the right thing . . . . . doesn't change the fact that good people have been hurt.  Lent is about repentance and looking honestly at who you really are.  And the truth is, I'm Judas too.

Great God, forgive me for trying to force your hand.  For trying to work things up through my brilliance and not through your plans.  Help me, be kind to me in those moment I realize just how badly I've screwed up.

Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers.

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3-4 Judas, the one who betrayed him, realized that Jesus was doomed. Overcome with remorse, he gave back the thirty silver coins to the high priests, saying, “I’ve sinned. I’ve betrayed an innocent man.”

They said, “What do we care? That’s your problem!”

5 Judas threw the silver coins into the Temple and left. Then he went out and hung himself.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Warning - Mild politics alert

Why do I say that?  because it seems like everyone gets REALLY testy when politics are discussed any more.  But I read Psalm 72 and it touched me today.  Go below to read it - I copied the whole psalm because it it important to keep it together.

The first verses ask God to give the gift of wise rule to the king and leaders.  Asking that he judge rightly, stand for the poor, live long and prosper.  (blogging . . . .the final frontier)  Then it goes on to say all these great things that will happen, asking for blessings to rain down on the leader.

How often do I find fault with my leaders?  Not only in politics; but in business, in the denominational hierarchy - how often do I complain about those leaders?  When was the last time I prayed for them?  It is so important to pray for our leaders - to be a blessing to them and not a thorn in their side.  As a pastor I know how vital it is to have people praying for you - I have a few certain prayer warriors who I know lift me up and it means the world.  Am I that warrior for another leader?

I also see in the song some things that seem to be what they think will be outcomes of the gift of wisdom to the leader:

• He's a wise judge of issues and doesn't consider "who is more important" when making decisions
• His life is open and transparent - he lives right and lets everyone see it
• He helps the poor, the children of the needy and comes down hard on anyone who would hurt them
• Stays in leadership a long time
• Is like a rainfall - bringing refreshment and the water needed for growth

Boy that would be nice.  And yes there is a big section of personal application as a leader but today I choose to be a follower and pray for my leaders.  Won't you join me?

God of goodness - you have put in place leaders above me and given them authority over me.  I ask for  your hand of blessing upon them.

For Doug, Brian and Bishop Palmer I pray that you would give them discernment and the wisdom to know how to place good leaders.  Give them the ability to navigate the waters of controversy and in all things give them energy and strength for their roles.

For AG Laughley and the board of P&G, Lord they need your guidance to know how to ethically expand our company.  How to satisfy shareholders while being good corporate citizens.  Give them wisdom and humility.  Help them not forget that in addition to shareholders there are also janitors and secretaries that depend on them and need their guidance.  Help them not to consider power.  Help them be good to the low among us.

For President Obama, John Boehner, Secretary John Kerry and all our Congress-men and women Lord they need your guidance.  Balancing what is right for economic growth yet still protecting our people and the environment is so hard.  So many voices telling them they are getting it wrong.  Help me to be a voice shouting when they get it right.  Give them wisdom and the honor to do the right thing.  Help them care for the poor and needy and let their leadership be like rainfall on a tired and worn out nation.

Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers

Psalm 72

1-8 Give the gift of wise rule to the king, O God,
    the gift of just rule to the crown prince.
May he judge your people rightly,
    be honorable to your meek and lowly.
Let the mountains give exuberant witness;
    shape the hills with the contours of right living.
Please stand up for the poor,
    help the children of the needy,
    come down hard on the cruel tyrants.
Outlast the sun, outlive the moon—
    age after age after age.
Be rainfall on cut grass,
    earth-refreshing rain showers.
Let righteousness burst into blossom
    and peace abound until the moon fades to nothing.
Rule from sea to sea,
    from the River to the Rim.

9-14 Foes will fall on their knees before God,
    his enemies lick the dust.
Kings remote and legendary will pay homage,
    kings rich and resplendent will turn over their wealth.
All kings will fall down and worship,
    and godless nations sign up to serve him,
Because he rescues the poor at the first sign of need,
    the destitute who have run out of luck.
He opens a place in his heart for the down-and-out,
    he restores the wretched of the earth.
He frees them from tyranny and torture—
    when they bleed, he bleeds;
    when they die, he dies.

15-17 And live! Oh, let him live!
    Deck him out in Sheba gold.
Offer prayers unceasing to him,
    bless him from morning to night.
Fields of golden grain in the land,
    cresting the mountains in wild exuberance,
Cornucopias of praise, praises
    springing from the city like grass from the earth.
May he never be forgotten,
    his fame shine on like sunshine.
May all godless people enter his circle of blessing
    and bless the One who blessed them.

18-20 Blessed God, Israel’s God,
    the one and only wonder-working God!
Blessed always his blazing glory!
    All earth brims with his glory.
Yes and Yes and Yes.

Remembering the Good Old Days of the Future

Well I'm up an hour later than normal because I go into work an hour later this week.  And no Sunday Blog because I decided Sunday was going to be more personal reflection and journaling.  Trying to keep my commitment, be an example and still make this very personal.

I read passages like today's (see below) and I read in the Gospels where the only people that ever really pissed off Jesus were the religious leaders - Clergy.  Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming.  Being a leader of the flock is a huge spiritual commitment and while it is really good to remember than, it's also good to keep reading the passage.

Right after God talks about cruel and ineffectual shepherds, God promises to send Jesus.  That's the antidote.  If I ever fear being ineffectual because I am bi-vocational, or if I ever fear that I'm just not good enough I have to remember to simply "Give them Jesus"

I love how this passage ends.  People always say oh I remember the heyday of this church when it was always full blah blah blah.  Sometimes people, nations, organizations go through seasons of captivity and decline.  But here, God promises his people that someday soon, people will quit saying "I remember those old days of Moses" but they'l say "Remember when" and they will be talking about the days of Jeremiah.  That's a great promise to look to for the church.

But that requires patience, faithfulness and leaders who will stand up and speak God's word no matter what else is going on.  Which brings us back to God's dissatisfaction with ineffectual clergy.  (see how I brought that full circle!)

Anyway . . . .

Dear God, I pray for my denomination.  We are a church in captivity.  We are held captive to old structures and processes that don't allow growth.  We are held captive to controversy, anger and confusion around some social issues.  And we see numbers declining.  This is true of much of Western Christianity.  God I ask for Jeremiah's promise to be true for my church.  Let a day be coming when WE will be the grand days of revival and glory.  When people will look at our era and point to it as a high-water mark of faithfulness and blessing.  Let me as a leader be faithful no matter what the season and help me to be a good shepherd to your people.  Amen.



Jeremiah 23:1-8

1-4 “Doom to the shepherd-leaders who butcher and scatter my sheep!” God’s Decree. “So here is what I, God, Israel’s God, say to the shepherd-leaders who misled my people: ‘You’ve scattered my sheep. You’ve driven them off. You haven’t kept your eye on them. Well, let me tell you, I’m keeping my eye on you, keeping track of your criminal behavior. I’ll take over and gather what’s left of my sheep, gather them in from all the lands where I’ve driven them. I’ll bring them back where they belong, and they’ll recover and flourish. I’ll set shepherd-leaders over them who will take good care of them. They won’t live in fear or panic anymore. All the lost sheep rounded up!’ God’s Decree.”

5-6 “Time’s coming”—God’s Decree—
    “when I’ll establish a truly righteous David-Branch,
A ruler who knows how to rule justly.
    He’ll make sure of justice and keep people united.
In his time Judah will be secure again
    and Israel will live in safety.
This is the name they’ll give him:
    ‘God-Who-Puts-Everything-Right.’

7-8 “So watch for this. The time’s coming”—God’s Decree—“when no one will say, ‘As sure as God lives, the God who brought the Israelites out of Egypt,’ but, ‘As sure as God lives, the God who brought the descendants of Israel back from the north country and from the other countries where he’d driven them, so that they can live on their own good earth.’”

The Sheer Love of God that Chooses Us

Today's reading is from Deuteronomy chapter 7.  I read the whole chapter and God is speaking to his people warning them from idol worship, charging them to love God and much as God loves them.  And in the middle are these verses.

7-10 God wasn’t attracted to you and didn’t choose you because you were big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors. God stepped in and mightily bought you back out of that world of slavery, freed you from the iron grip of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know this:God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments for a thousand generations. But he also pays back those who hate him, pays them the wages of death; he isn’t slow to pay them off—those who hate him, he pays right on time.

Lent is a time to remember that I'm not special.  Yes we are made in the image of God but so is every other man, woman and child.  Yet in ways I cannot comprehend, God chose me.  God worked through a small insignificant minority of people.  Carefully shepherding them as a symbol and sign for how we will spiritually shepherd all people once Jesus came and destroyed all barriers.

Jesus died and according to scripture "the fact is there was almost nothing to you"

My cool social media day job?  Nothing

My special gig as a pastor?  Nothing

My general level of awesomeness?  Nothing

Everything I bring to the table amounts to almost nothing.  Not because I am so terrible but because God is so much more and bigger.  A time of fasting and prayer helps drive home this reality.  Not to make me feel like a wretch, but to help me see just how big and awesome God is and just how huge the gift of his Son is.

God stepped up mightily and brought me out of slavery and freed me from the grip of Pharaoh.

We all have a Pharaoh in our lives.  Something that keeps us limited.  Something that takes our creative hearts and sets it to simply making bricks.  Your individual Pharaoh is the voice who says now when you want to leave the routine for the chance to find the Promised Land.  Your Pharaoh is the voice that says NO when God wants to show you his loyal love.

Dear Lord, today help me to listen to your voice, not the voice of Pharaoh.  Help me to depend on you and not the safety and comfort of slavery.  Thank you for your most awesome and excellent love.  Thank you for looking on me and choosing to love me and giving your Son so I can love you back.  Amen

Jonah - A Whale of a Tale

The story of Jonah is one of those that people fight about.  Is it real or a parable?  And when we do teach it, we focus a lot on Jonah - swallowed by a whale, reluctant prophet who eventually sat under a tree and complained.  I know the story pretty well.

Yet this morning when reading Jonah 3, it hit me in a new way and I saw Jonah in a new way.  Scroll down to read the chapter (very small, just 10 verses) and then come back.

Did you read it?

No really, read it again, slower.

Jonah preached a message of destruction and people immediately changed their ways and responded.  Whatever Jonah's other faults were, he must have walked in God's power to have had so profound an affect on an entire city.

And I also find it interesting knowing that he avoided coming and later sits and complains . . . this is a guy with issues.  Not just issues, VOLUMES.

All while preaching a message that any pastor hates to deliver.  "You're on the wrong path.  Your actions are leading you straight to destruction."  As a pastor I must confess some messages are easier to preach than others.  Some messages people respond to gladly and generally some messages are met with stone faced silence.

Jonah's message is usually one of them

And the temptation is for me as a preacher to preach the fun messages.  The easy messages.  I always thought of Jonah's story as a story that talked about not avoiding God's call.  But it is also about not avoiding speaking the WHOLE of God's message.  Forgive me Lord when I get it wrong.  When I hedge.  When I skip the painful parts.

The temptation is also to do with my ministry what I do with Jonah's story.  To see the failures, the miscues and doubts and forget to read chapter 3 - forget to acknowledge when God's Word IS spoken.  When people's hearts are changed.

Dear Lord, today during Lent I repent my silences.  Those times when I feared other's reactions or doubted my inability.  Let me not be Jonah - afraid, insecure and disobedient.  Forgive me when I see only my failures and lack of ability.  Forgive me when I fail to praise you and thank you for the growth and change I do see.  Lord you are good and your mercy endures forever.  Thank you for having mercy on me.  Help me have mercy on myself.

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3 1-2 Next, God spoke to Jonah a second time: “Up on your feet and on your way to the big city of Nineveh! Preach to them. They’re in a bad way and I can’t ignore it any longer.”

3 This time Jonah started off straight for Nineveh, obeying God’s orders to the letter.

Nineveh was a big city, very big—it took three days to walk across it.

4 Jonah entered the city, went one day’s walk and preached, “In forty days Nineveh will be smashed.”

5 The people of Nineveh listened, and trusted God. They proclaimed a citywide fast and dressed in burlap to show their repentance. Everyone did it—rich and poor, famous and obscure, leaders and followers.

6-9 When the message reached the king of Nineveh, he got up off his throne, threw down his royal robes, dressed in burlap, and sat down in the dirt. Then he issued a public proclamation throughout Nineveh, authorized by him and his leaders: “Not one drop of water, not one bite of food for man, woman, or animal, including your herds and flocks! Dress them all, both people and animals, in burlap, and send up a cry for help to God. Everyone must turn around, turn back from an evil life and the violent ways that stain their hands. Who knows? Maybe God will turn around and change his mind about us, quit being angry with us and let us live!”

10 God saw what they had done, that they had turned away from their evil lives. He did change his mind about them. What he said he would do to them he didn’t do.